As a parent, I understand the list of responsibilities can creep into our lives. We have our work, upkeep, maintenance, the kids, the pets, our chore list, the honey-do, and the want list just continues. Through the constant reminders and requirements, there must be a constant, crucial factor that allows for you and your spouse to find that unity. Which is why you must know your significant other and know and understand their needs to make your relationship work.
Finding unity is more than just a commitment to each other. The idea of marriage is that you made a public proclamation of your commitment to each other anyway. It is the goal or ideal that brings the two of you together, that idea that keeps the both of you working toward that promised goal. It is the combined vision and mission the both of you have. This is a part the partnership the both of you share and to reach your goals.
With these core thoughts, the formulation of ideas, relationships, and the traditions are merged into your regular routine that breaks up the mold and commitment the both of you have with each other. I knew that as being a 20-something, I said to my then fiancé and now wife that, “we will change, but I want the both of us to grow together.” I have known that change is constant but I wanted to find that journey with my spouse. I was aware that people change over the course of time, but it was essential in my relationship that we are to support each other in the process.
Then, our kids enter the picture. Children are awesome and they will pass the time. Be careful on how much focus you place on the relationships in your life, because something will give if your priorities are not aligned. You might want to consider your spouse before your children, because your children are highly impressionable of the relationships they know and see. If they see that the both of you love and support each other, they will show the same affection in their relationships. If you have much adversity with each other, you children will find their relationships also difficult.
If you plan on dating only once a year on Valentines Day, you are missing out. The best part of a good relationship is the constant work the both of you put into each other. One day is certainly not enough to attribute to any form of happiness with your family. The ability to find that emotional attachment and clear communication of your goals with each other help each other more often than you know. There are a couple things you can do to make the spark continue with each other.
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Be Open With Your Feelings
Having continuous hard conversations and opening your feelings is quite difficult. In an honest relationship the both of you will express yourselves and in ways that you do not feel comfortable. In order to provide that deeper meaning, make yourself open and at a position to receive that expression without thinking about your response. This will enable the deeper conversations with each other and the hurtful truth.
If you have never practiced this before, you can being the conversation by saying, “I would like to express my feelings right now, are you at a point to listen?” Or, if you are on the receiving end ask, “Are you venting, or do you want me to fix something?” As a guy, I’ve had to practice this phrase that I do not have a need to ‘fix’ every situation.
Attend Marriage Conferences
A couple years ago, my wife and I attended a marriage conference. It wasn’t because our relationship is bad, it’s actually very strong. We find that events like this solidify our understanding of each other and makes us ask questions on things we find important with each other. We have learned so much about how we relate to each other, the friendships we have forged as a couple, speaking with our extended families, and how we work together.
This goes back to our original thought as a couple that we know and understand that we grow together as a couple. We are two entities intertwined and forward thinking about our relationship. We know things happen and that we support each other, through the good times and the bad. We see these opportunities to know and understand each other and what is challenging for us to face. You might not even know that your marriage has some weaknesses if you do not address is often with therapy or a conference like these.
Intentionally Date
On that conference we learned about dating each other. It doesn’t stop the moment we say, “I do,” at the altar, it was just a journey into a different world. We were able to find a list of date ideas that were broken down by season and opportunities that we have renamed, “The Superbowl”. We would take turns as we picked out the different colors corresponding with our activity. We had a variety of choices that allowed us to find the right season for indoor/outdoor activities and the things that were of our budget.
Try to find a baby-sitter for your kids. If you are the spouse in charge of date night, make sure you take responsibility for this arrangement. You can trade off with each other on when it will be appropriate to do so, and asking for a teenager asking for some money, friend, or family member that is willing to watch your kids.
Understand How the Both of You Feel Loved
If either of you have read through “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, you should consider how the both of you feel loved. When I say, ‘encouragement’ I mean knowing your partner and how you feel the love between each other. If you do not own this book, I highly recommend you purchasing the book and keep notes between you and your spouse.
Finding how the both of you feel loved and continuing to perform those actions will be hard at first. However, if you continue along with that action, you will see that the both of you will feel the affection for each other. It takes the both of you to work on your relationship and that with the unity you find in each other will support the both of you.
I must reiterate that knowing how the both of you display affection and love with each other is not a thing for misinterpretation. This means that whether you are giving or receiving that love from your partner is the way the both of you focus on the right qualities of each other.
Make Sure Your Kids See Your Love
There is a thought out there that by showing affection for your partner that you increase the happiness of your household. The kids will see that with the both of you together it increases the happiness of your entire family. It also shows your children the commitment you have for each other. There is also a sense of confidence the rest of your family has whenever the leading couple shows that they continually love each other
In an age where families want to downplay the other parent, argue, downplay their role, this is not a healthy way to communicate with your partner. It can create adversity and shows an unhealthy perspective of how your kids interpret a good relationship. If you’ve ever had a relationship where you were not valued, you would understand the acerbic nature that bites into your core. This especially hurts when you have a loved one that knows your innermost desires.
If you continue to resemble good values in front of your children, they will aspire to the same nature. They will relate well with others and communicate with a deeper understand than a superficial one.
Conclusion
The hardest part of being a couple is that it takes the both of you to continue working on it for each other. It is not easy to make it happen, continue to make it work, and unearthing as much about each other that no one else will understand. What are some other practices that you and your spouse do for each other in your relationship? If you are still dating, do the both of you look for ways to appease each other? Let us know your thoughts below, or add into our Facebook with your comments.
